The Art of Negotiation . . .

Lately I find myself asking two or three times for my son to do something.  Then, when he hears me, there is an attempt to turn my request into a negotiation.

Here's an example:
Me:  Go wash your hands before dinner.  I repeat it two or three times.
My Son:  Can I do it in a minute?

Here's another example:
Me:  Eat 10 more bites of your dinner.
My Son:  How about 5 more bites?
Me:  Eat 11 more bites.
My Son:  Okay, I'll eat 10.

Why doesn't he just do what I ask of him the first time I ask?  I think I know the answer.  I've gotten a little relaxed.  I have a daughter who is 9 months old.  We have all been adjusting and I have become a little more lenient.  Now that our family has a handle on how the new dynamic works, I need to get back to my old expectation.  Doing what I ask - when I ask it to be done.

This is easy to accomplish.  I know it is, my son has done it before.  He's been quite easy and good at following directions.  He also knows how "animated" I can get when he doesn't, so he usually just goes with the flow.  To get him back there it's going to take some work on my part.  For my son to know I'm serious, I'm going to have to be consistent.  When I ask him to do something and he does not cooperate, I am going to have to stop what I am doing and follow through with him.  It sounds very simple, but it is time consuming.  I know the key is to be consistent.  If there is an instance I don't follow through, next time there is a 50/50 shot he will do what is expected of him too.  After all if I don't follow through with my expectation of him, how will he know that he should be consistent?

This is my game plan if he doesn't respond to a request:

• Stop what I am doing and ask him to look at me.
• Ask him to repeat what I've asked him to do.
• Make sure he follows through and warn him next time he will get a time out if he does not do what I ask.

Did you notice how many time the word I appears above?  For my son to behave and respond to me in the desired manner, guess who has to put in the brunt of the work?  I do.

Wish me luck. 

How do you get your children back on track when there is a decline in expected behaviors in your home?