Between Mothers & Daughters, and Sons Too

I read a great article in More magazine.  There was a study conducted that observed the linguistics in conversations between adult daughters, who are mothers themselves, and their mothers.  It looked at the words a mother spoke, what the daughter heard and vice versa. They actually referred to the language a mother and daughter uses as motherspeak & daughterspeak.

An example from the article was a mother telling her daughter, "You look nice in that yellow shirt." What the daughter actually hears is, "Thank God there's one color you don't look hideous in, so I don't have to be mortified every time you go out."

Another example was the daughter telling her mother, "I'm going to take a different approach to my child's music lesson than you did with me."  The mother hears, "You are the worst mother that ever lived."

It was interesting, and for me very accurate, to see the examples and their interpretations. I wondered how my children will interpret my words as they grow older.  How I interpret what my mother tells me.  It makes me wonder why so many moms are critical of themselves, trying to interpret compliments given and dialogue spoken. Why is it hard for us to hear a compliment, kindly say thank you and move on?

The article makes me want to be careful with the words I use to communicate with my children.  Words have a powerful effect on children, and adults too.  The power to build up and the power to tear down.  Words can set our children in motion or stop them dead in their tracks. 

Have you consciously thought about the words and tone you speak with your children and loved ones?  Do you remember a time when words spoken to you lifted your spirits?