Have You Met Catherine

Here is a new entry to the segment of the blog called "Have You Met . . "  I've known Catherine for 20 years.  She has a successful career, sophisticated style, and is Mom to a beautiful little girl.  She gives a candid and authentic glimpse into motherhood.  Read on as she shares her experiences, struggles and triumphs.

Facts
Name/Age  Catherine, 37 years old
Marital Status/How Long Have You Been Married  Married, 9 1/2 years
Children/Names & Ages  Amelia, 2 years old

Questions
What surprises you most about motherhood?
What has surprised me the most surprised me is how much "thinking" my brain is doing every minute of every day.  I used to think I was always a thoughtful person, but I find that since becoming a parent my brain is always spinning - it never quiets down.  I find myself trying to be present in the moment, anticipate situations, listen to others, and meet the present and future needs of my family, myself, my home and my employer all in a given moment.  It's exhausting and incredibly time consuming.  I often feel like there aren't enough hours in a day as the primary caregiver and it can be challenging to squeeze in anything else into my head without getting overloaded.

I think the other thing that most surprised me is how hard it is for me to separate from my daughter physically, mentally and emotionally.  If I am not with her for a part of my day, she is constantly in my thoughts.  I make every decision with her in mind and react to every situation with her in mind.  I have had the gift of wonderful, meaningful, relationships in my life, but never have I experienced this inability to compartmentalize and separate myself from another person in order to meet my needs or the demands  of my life.  The line between my daughter's thoughts and feelings and my own is often blurred.  I find that I will spend more of my day getting into her head, than my own.  I think I forgot my own thoughts and feelings in service of understanding and responding to her.  It's easy to lose yourself as a parent and forget your own identity.  Being an older, first time mom who focused on establishing and sustaining a strong personal and professional identity for many years, I didn't expect that.

Lastly, I think what has surprised me is the perpetual feeling of disorganization on a daily basis.  I've always been a task-oriented and over-achiever for everything in my life.  Organization is my mantra.  Since becoming a parent, I've worked on being flexible and not as hard on myself if I can't achieve everything I want.  I have to focus my energy on keeping my sanity and a positive attitude!  At first I felt like I was incompetent or under productive.  Now I'm starting to accept that I'm human and don't have to be a perfectionist.

What is the best piece of advise you have received about parenting?
Do what you need to survive.

How do you balance work with your family life?
Most of the time, I don't feel like I balance very well at all.  I think I'm very self-critical that way.  Theoretically:
- I've tried to reduce my work schedule so I can be more available to my family.
- I've tried to commit to "date nights" with my spouse on a regular basis so we can get a chance to talk and connect as a couple each week.
- On my off days with my daughter I am careful about how much time I check email, take phone calls or entertain friends - things that I think compromise my one-on-one time with her.  I also try to integrate fun activities or down time together so that we can really enjoy each other's company, communicate, share thoughts and feelings, and both relax a bit.   Structuring my day this way gives me permission to let go of my need to parent, control and direct/teach my child all of the time.  It can be liberating. 
- I had to rethink my time management when it came to running errands, managing my home, cleaning, cooking, etc.  I'm all about shopping online and home delivery for almost everything.

What I still struggle with is carving out ALONE TIME and socializing with friends.  I just can't seem to find time to do this regularly.

What has been your biggest challenge in motherhood?
The biggest challenge for me is learning to negotiate everything!  I'm learning to let go of my need to control everything and recognize that my daughter is her own person with her own thoughts, emotions and ways of doing things.
The second challenge is remembering I am a spouse as well as a mother and that my marriage needs as much attention as does my child.

What advice would you offer new moms?
I have no advice except do what works for you and your family.  Parenting is a humbling experience.  If I've learned anything it is that there is no universal advice that works for everyone.  All children are unique and all families have their own values, traditions, goals, and expectations - it is really difficult to apply any one, universal principle or strategy when parenting.  I think every parent needs to figure out what is important to them and their child and follow their own instincts and passions.

Little Details
My go to meal on a busy day . . . pizza
I can't live without . . . Laura Mercier under eye correction pot, Laura Mercier tinted moisturizer, yoga pants, IPAD loaded with Disney movies and episodes of Curious George.  Coffee, coffee and more coffee!
Book I've read most recently . . . The Paris Wife
Favorite pair of jeans . . .  J Crew Toothpick in medium wash
Best Drugstore find . . . Palmer's Cocoa Butter lip balm & Aveeno Baby excema lotion

 p.s. we didn't include her picture because Catherine is camera shy