Parental Guidance

This weekend my husband and I watched the movie Parental Guidance with Billy Crystal and Bette Middler.  I thought it was very good and I enjoyed it very much.  There were many laugh out loud moments as well as touching ones. 

A scene that stood out was a conversation the Mom has with the Grandparents before she goes away on vacation.  She expresses her desire to speak with them about their language.  Immediately the Grandparents promise not to curse in front of the children.  They completely misunderstand what she means.  She then uses the following examples to express how she would recommend the Grandparents communicate with the children.  Where you would say no, we would say - consider the consequences.  Where you would say don't, we would say - maybe you should try this. Where you would say quit your whining, your giving me a headache, we would say - use your words.

The Mom tells the Grandparents the children feel like they have value, worth and are being heard when spoken to in this manner.

There's another scene which also stood out as it illustrated the Grandfather's frustration with his grandson's behavior.  He had been observing all these moments.  He recognized no children were getting punished and every little league game ends in a tie.  This was an effort to protect the self-esteem of the children.  All he hears is use your words, but the word the parents never use with the kids is no.

During the movie my husband asked me if I knew people who used these methods for parenting.  That made me think about how I am raising my children compared to how I was raised.  In the movie the Mom was going in the opposite direction of the tactics her parents used raising her.  I wonder how many parents do this?  Consciously parent and discipline their children in a manner that completely contradicts what they experienced as a child?  What philosophy do you practice?